Sacrament Talk

Sacrament talk 02/11/24

Topic: Being Christ’s Shepherd as we Minister and How We Can be Willing to Accept Help From Others

I’m not always great at ministering and I’m terrible at asking for help, so I approached this talk with the idea that I would look for a different perspective and seek tools to help me improve. Something that would help me see the importance of both.

I broke the topic into two parts starting with Being Christ’s Shepherd as we Minister.

President Russell M. Nelson said: “The Savior’s message is clear: His true disciples build, lift, encourage, persuade, and inspire.” 

Acts 20:35 states:

“I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

And Jesus stated that one of the two great commandments is “thou shalt love thy neighbor as thy self.” (Matt 22:39)

That’s what ministering is about.

I really enjoyed hearing Sister Weaver’s testimony last week about her mother’s ministering brothers and how the ward came together to help her. My mom also doesn’t attend church, but she has some amazing ministering sisters who give her a lifeline to the ward. I’m really grateful for their efforts to love on my mom and let her know that she is important to them.

We are blessed as Christians and members of the Church to have opportunities to build strong bonds through serving together and ministering to each other. We are encouraged to reach out to our ward family members and to our communities and help when we can. We have lots of opportunities to “love one another” and bless others through giving.

The truth is most people are willing to give or help others. When we see suffering and we think we can help alleviate the pain, most times we will step up and help. There’s a lot of research into this subject and it shows that empathizing with and helping others in need seems to be an intuitive response, and that people often feel happier after conducting acts of kindness. It’s not just taking action ourselves but witnessing acts of kindness gives us the warm fuzzies too. We love stories about spontaneous help.  Think about all the videos you see on the internet about random acts of kindness that go viral. We enjoy watching these moments of light in what is sometimes a dark world.

It truly can be a blessing in the lives of all involved in ministering activities. On the flipside, there can be feelings of guilt and inadequacy when we don’t quite measure up to what we perceive are the expectations.

I know it’s not always easy to fulfill this call to minister. It takes time and energy, and in our busy lives it can sometimes feel like one more thing we need to do. If you have ever felt this way, please know you are not alone.  If you find yourself struggling each month to fulfill your call to minister, take a deep breath, exhale, and do the best you can. Keep it simple. Let your sisters or brothers know that the desire to serve is there, it’s just life is a little crazy right now. A text, email, or phone call can be enough during these busy times. No guilt is necessary.

If you are struggling with not being ministered too, please be patient with your ministering brothers and sisters. Chances are they desire to help, but life is getting in the way. Pray for them and know that they want to connect but are struggling to find the way to balance everything. Be part of the solution in helping them as they deal with life’s struggles. They will appreciate your understanding!

Sometimes living the gospel brings with it challenges, but it also brings opportunities to pause and reflect on our lives and see where we need to simplify and prioritize. There’s been quite a few General Conference talks suggesting we simplify our lives lately. This resonates with me. Simplify and refocus. Finding balance in our lives can take time. Be patient with yourself. Remember there is a time and season for everything. Just do the best you can during whatever season you find yourself in now.

To those that have a difficult time connecting with others, you might have noticed that I said ‘Most people’ instead of ‘all people’ earlier in my talk. For some people giving comes easy, but I recognize that there are circumstances and experiences that individuals can have that can make it difficult for them to connect with others.

I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through those challenges that have led to this disconnection. I hope that you can be surrounded with good people that through love, patience and understanding can help rebuild your desire to reconnect and feel more comfortable giving of yourself. In the meantime, keep doing your best as you heal. God knows your heart and loves you. I have a request: Please be patient with those that don’t understand your journey, it can take time for us to find the right words or actions to help. Just know that there is a desire to help.

Part two

How We Can be Willing to Accept Help From Others

As intuitive as it is to want to help others, we as humans are not great at asking for help. There are several reasons why this is the case, including a culture which promotes the idea of independence, but the number one reason is fear. Fear of appearing incompetent, weak, or inferior. Fear of being judged, rejected, or embarrassed. Fear of being disappointed, or an inconvenience or burden to others. Stanford research found that children as young as seven can hold these beliefs.

Also interesting was the fact that when we think about what motivates other people, we tend to apply a more pessimistic, self-interested view of human nature. Asking others to go out of their way to do something for us may seem wrong or selfish and may impose a somewhat negative experience on the helper.

The truth is, most of us want to make a positive difference in others’ lives, but we aren’t comfortable allowing others to make a positive difference in our own lives. Human beings make no sense sometimes!

These concerns are very relatable to me and are very human. I grew up in a home where self-reliance was promoted. I’m grateful for it, it has helped me to be prepared for challenges and to be a problem solver, but there is a downside. When I hesitate to ask for help, I unnecessarily prolong the challenge and the pain and suffering that comes with it. Which doesn’t make any sense.

What if we challenged this perception of feeling like it’s our own responsibility to sort through our struggles and instead emphasized the value of caring for each other and creating an environment that allows open discussions about our challenges and imperfections.

I had an experience as a senior in high school regarding this that left a lasting impression. One of my close friends was a member of the Friends church, which is a Quacker church, and she invited me to come to their Sunday Service. I accepted and was looking forward to the experience.

It was a very eye-opening experience for me. During the service the pastor asked if there was anyone in the congregation that had any needs that the members could help with. One man stood and shared that he was a recovering addict and was struggling. It was around the holidays and it was especially difficult at this time for him. He asked so sincerely and without concern that he was going to be judged or rejected. The pastor led the congregation in a prayer focused on this man. I remember thinking to myself how brave that man was and how loving the members seemed. How freeing it must have been for him to ask for help and receive it. I aspire to be brave like that man and to be as loving as those members.

My journey to being more comfortable asking for help led me to some questions: What do the scriptures have to say about asking for help? What example did Jesus give us on asking for and receiving help?

I came across an article titled Latter-day Counselor: Why Is It So Hard for us to Accept Help? By Jonathan Decker. Perfect!

The heading for one part of the article is Jesus Gratefully Allowed Others to Help Him. This is what Brother Decker had to say:

“Although Jesus lived His Life, and gave it, for the benefit of others, we mustn’t get the idea that trying to be more like Him demands that we always be the giver, and not the receiver, of service. There are many instances of Jesus asking for help and/or gratefully receiving it when it was offered. While in Gethsemane He asked the Father to deliver Him from His suffering if possible. Although He willingly suffered the punishment for humanity’s sins, He did not turn away the angel that was sent to comfort Him.

An exhausted Jesus accepted Simon’s help with carrying the cross. The donkey He rode into Jerusalem was borrowed. When He fed the crowd of five thousand it was with loaves and fishes offered by a small boy. Christ lovingly allowed the penitent woman to anoint His head and wash His feet with her tears.

There are many more examples. Accepting help from others was not in any way a display of weakness on Jesus’ part. He understood that allowing others to serve Him provided an opportunity for them both to express love and build a relationship, just as it did when He served them.”

What a beautiful message. I so appreciate the examples of Jesus asking for/or accepting help. It helps me to see that if I want to be more like Him, I need to be able to give and receive gratefully.

Elder Dieter Uchtdorf explained that:

“We all know that ‘it is more blessed to give than to receive,’ but I wonder if sometimes we disregard or even disparage the importance of being a good receiver…Sometimes people even get to the point where they can’t receive a gift or, for that matter, even a compliment without embarrassment or feelings of indebtedness..

Every gift that is offered to us – especially a gift that comes from the heart—is an opportunity to build or strengthen a bond of love. When we are good and grateful receivers, we open a door to deepen our relationship with the giver of the gift…Have we received these gifts with humble gratitude, with joy? Or do we reject them out of pride or a false sense of independence?” (Christmas Devotional 2012, “The Good and Grateful Receiver”)

Some say that they don’t ask for help because they “don’t want to be a burden.” (That’s me) In doing so they prevent an opportunity for others to do what Jesus would do—namely, share and lighten the burdens of others, providing comfort and strength. They also end up without support and aid that can remove, or at least alleviate, their suffering.

Let’s talk about how to ask for help. I’m always looking for easy ways to help me remember gospel principles. Acronyms are one of my favorites. I came across the SMART method. To be SMART in asking for help make sure your request is Specific, Meaningful, Action-oriented, Realistic, and Timebound. I like that.

If you go through the scriptures looking for the examples of Jesus asking for/or receiving help you will find examples of this method.

Now, there may be times when you may not really know what you need, like when faced with mental health challenges or grief. You may have a difficult time articulating what kind of help you need. It’s okay. Please know you can reach out and take time to figure things out and we can do it together.

One more statement from Brother Decker:

Jesus’ story has resonated through the ages because He knew how to love through giving, and just as importantly, receiving service and kindness.

I hope we can follow the Savior’s example in our efforts to love through giving and that we will also allow ourselves to ask for the help we need, knowing that receiving it is just as important in building loving relationships. I so appreciate the patience and love shown to me as I learn to improve in both those areas. May good bless each of us with opportunities to give and receive gratefully. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.