Importance of Manners

 

Whatever happened to using your manners? I am often shocked by the lack of manners in our society. The rudeness, the language, the total disregard for another person's feelings. It's a terrifying sign of our times. Sadly, it appears to be a growing problem for our society. It causes contention, divisiveness, and is usually a sign of a declining society. It should give everyone cause for concern that our society is deteriorating in this area, it doesn't end well if we can't get it together.

In my efforts to live intentionally I believe that manners will play a large role in my behavior. I was taught that manners, courtesy, politeness and etiquette were important to one's success in this life. It wasn't up for debate that you would say please when requesting something, and you would say thank you when you received it. You opened doors for others, you looked them in the eye when they spoke to you, you shook hands when appropriate, you watched your language, and you waited your turn in line patiently. 

These were not rules to make life harder for you, they were meant to make life easier for you and those around you, it was a way of showing respect and compassion. It IS a way to build stronger relationships, families, and communities. And the great thing about using your manners is it often inspires others to be kind and considerate too.

Manners aren't something new. How to treat others is a big part of the scriptures. Here's a few examples:

Luke 6:31 - And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. (Golden rule!)

Titus 3:2 - To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men.

1 Peter 3:8 - Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous;

Romans 12:10 - Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;

Matthew 15:11 - Not that which goeth out of the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.

It's important to treat each other well, to show respect, to use our manners. The scriptures use terms like brotherly, brethren, love, compassion, courteous, affectioned, and honor, to describe how we should treat each other. There is a closeness to these terms that signifies a relationship is being built. Manners help us build positive bonds with each other, something we need more of in this world.

There are some other benefits worth mentioning about using manners: 

Instills confidence - When you understand basic social manners, you know how to act appropriately, which can help prevent embarrassment in social situations and build confidence. Manners show politeness and demonstrate an awareness of self-worth, respect for others, and a desire to fit in.

Best first impression - First impressions set the stage for future relationships and opportunities. This can play a huge role in your success at a job. The possibilities aren't just limited to career options though, when you are mindful of others, people not only notice, but the impression of you sticks with them because of how you made them feel. Frank Sonnenberg stated, "You only have seconds to make a good impression. Make it positive."

Cultivates a heart for others - As one author wrote, "At the very root of good manners is a heart that is fixed on others before self. From this point of view, it's clear that the benefits of thoughtful behavior extend far beyond oneself - they impact an entire society." 

Safeguards against Selfishness - Selfishness ruins relationships, plain and simple! No one wants to be around people who only care about themselves. Manners shift the attention from you towards others. Manners are a good way for you to show gratitude, display respect, and demonstrate kindness.

Brings joy - Deep satisfaction comes from knowing your actions and mannerisms are having a positive impact on those around you. Others will notice your words and actions towards them, and it can make them feel noticed and appreciated, thus bringing them joy too.

Demonstrate trustworthy behavior - Good manners are a strong indication of how you'll behave in the future. They indicate whether you're dependable, reliable, selfless. These are critical elements in building strong relationships.

I've heard from some in society that manners are outdated, that they are just more rules people are trying to burden you with, that they don't really make a difference. I can understand this viewpoint when you see the behavior of some athletes, movie stars, musicians, politicians, and others in society that seem to be loved and adored in spite of their behavior. The truth is that their popularity will wane, and often they end up feeling lonely and lost because they no longer feel the love they once did. They didn't take the time to build strong relationships with simple things like using manners and it's sad.

There are others that can't seem to figure out why violence is on the rise, crime is on the rise, depressions is on the rise, suicide is on the rise. Why would this be? One answer is, we don't treat each other well. The lack of manners, respect, and compassion, it comes with consequences, and we are seeing those consequences in full force in our neighborhoods, in our homes, and in our nation. This breaks my heart.

What's the cure? It's simple: Treat others the way you want to be treated. The Golden Rule that every kindergartener was taught when I was in school. Use your manners to show respect, love and compassion to others. Be an example in your words and actions. You never know who you will inspire with positive, loving behavior. You may never know the positive changes you bring, the healing you can start, but do it anyways, because manners are important and changes lives. Our families, our communities, our nation, and our world need this right now.