A Crack in my Awesome

The other day, we were on our walk, and I turned to Jim and told him that I love him. His response was, "Even with a crack in my awesome?" I don't know where he comes up with this stuff, be it made me smile and laugh. We joked a little about his response and I assured him that yes, I still love him even with a crack in his awesome. 

I've been thinking about this moment a lot. I'm really glad that my husband thinks he is awesome, because in so many ways he is. I'm also a little sad that all the things that have been going on in his life are making him doubt his awesomeness and his lovability. He doesn't like feeling less than himself, if that makes sense. In his mind he's Jim, a wise cracking, lovable, strong, creative guy, not this guy that has to slow down and ask for help sometimes. I totally understand what he's going through since I also have had to make changes in my own life that I wasn't really wanting to make. Thankfully, we have each other to work through this together. 

I keep thinking about how I can help Jim fill the crack in his awesome. As usual, I've been coming across little hints and clues in my search, I love when this happens, it reminds me that God is watching over us. I came across a quote that really resonated with me about this situation:

"You don't need another human being to make your life complete, but let's be honest. Having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn't see them as disasters in your soul but cracks to put their love into is the most calming thing in this world." ~Emery Allen

This isn't the first time there have been cracks in our lives. We made it through those times because of our love for each other. At each juncture we had to decide if the other person was worth the extra effort and love it would take to overcome the challenges. And each time the answer was a resounding yes! We are blessed to have built a love that withstands the trials of life.

The next hint came from an article that popped up about Kintsugi. Kintsugi, also known as Kintsukuroi, ("golden repair"), is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. The article was titled - "The Beauty of Imperfections". The article states that the technique treats the breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise. It has similarities to the Japanese philosophy of Wabi-Sabi, an embracing of the flawed or imperfect.

Japanese aesthetics values marks of wear by the use of an object. This can be seen as a rationale for keeping an object around after it has broken and as a justification of kintsugi itself, highlighting the cracks and repairs as simply an event in the life of an object rather than allowing its service to end at the time of damage or breakage.



I think it's a beautiful way to look at people too. We are all pieces of pottery created by God's hands (check out Jeremiah 18 for biblical reference to this). As such, we will have some cracks as life wears us down with use. We are all broken in some ways. The key is how we repair the brokenness. Do we choose to fill the cracks with gold? Can we learn to see the beauty in the cracks?  Do we surround ourselves with people that can appreciate the cracks and fill them with love?

In life, like in the technique of Kintsugi, we should try to repair things because sometimes in doing so we obtain more valuable objects. Jim is of great value to me; he is worth repairing. These setbacks are just temporary, a small part of our history. We will come out better for taking the time to fill the cracks together. Our relationship will become more valuable as we build each other up and a beautiful story will be told in our repairs. Through this journey we will not only learn to love ourselves in spite of our brokenness, but I believe we will also increase the value of our relationship as husband and wife. The cracks in our awesome will turn into blessings we didn't even know existed.

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